How to Save the Airlines

Replace all female flight attendants with some good-lookin’ strippers! What the heck . The attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?

The strippers would double, triple, perhaps quadruple the alcohol consumption and get a “party atmosphere” going in the cabin. And, of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

Why didn’t Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

A massive pillow fight in New York City

Feathers fly and teddies soar as we gather for a massive urban pillow fight! Swing and whack as you evade pillow-wielding assailants. Bring a pillow to Union Square and wait for the signal. Pillow fight!

The Rules
Soft pillows only! Swing lightly, many people will be swinging at once. Do not swing at people without pillows or with cameras. Remove glasses beforehand! The event is FREE and appropriate for ALL AGES. Wait until the signal to begin. This event is more fun with feathers!

Costumes and funky pillows encouraged 🙂

The Cleanup Effort: Volunteers
If you would like to volunteer, simply grab a broom afterwards by the statue 🙂 There will be rubber gloves and trash bags. If you would like to donate a broom, leave it by the statue before 1:30 PM.

Spread the Word
If you could forward this to friends, blogs, forums and mailing lists, that would be great 🙂
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Good sick Excuses

These are real notes written by parents in a Tennessee school district…(spellings have been left intact.)

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s. [note: words in ( )’s were crossed out] .

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being.It was his father’s fault.

15. I kept billie home because she had to go christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer fo! R missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Ple ase excuse jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever,sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids!